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"Scared"
Today is December 23rd. I realized how much I hate myself as a person. It has been building up inside me
and at one point yesterday I actually didn't care if I died. If I wasn't so scared about the afterlife, I know I would have
killed myself by now. I feel like I have no place to turn with any problem I encounter. I absolutely can't stand feeling this
way anymore, and sometimes I'm afraid what I might do to myself. I've been thinking about dying for about a week now, but
I know I would never do it. I'm a pussy, it's that simple. I hate the person I've become. I'm selfish, arrogant, lazy, rude
and hateful towards so many things in my life. I can't stand feeling this way. Why does life hurt so much? Just reading over
this is making me cry, cause this is me. And I can't escape who I am. Alot of people tell me that they love me or life wouldn't
be the same without me, but people move on, right? In a couple of months they would forget how "great" I was and move on with
their lives. I just wish I didn't fuck everything up all the time. Or the things I did were good enough just once. Or when
I ask for help I don't just get brushed off because my problems aren't important enough. Somebody help me. I'm in this
mess and I'm slipping away. I'm scared.
A New Feature 4 Yo Ass
I've realized recently how many things I truly despise in life. I know it isn't the Christian way to hate so many things,
but that's tough shit. People do the dumbest things and it pisses me off to the max. So, from now on, this space will be reserved
for a new piece of artwork, The Balls and Ass Rag Top 10. It will list the top ten things that upset me at that particular
time. Hope you enjoy it, but I freakin' hate it.
The Balls And Ass Rag Top 10
10. Ja Rule and Jay-Z.
9. When you make plans to do something for like two weeks, and then it rains all day.
8. When the assholes at Rolling Stone do music reviews on CDs, pretty much say the album sucks nuts,
and then you listen to the CD and it is totally great.
7. Updating this website.
6. Washing the dishes all the time.
5. Turning the T.V. on Sunday afternoon and seeing the Eagles or the Steelers games EVERY FREAKIN' WEEK.
4. When I clean out my bins in the backroom at work, then I walk by again 5 minutes later and there's like 6
microwaves in them.
3. Being poor every day of my life.
2. Wal*Mart NEVER getting new He Man action figures in... never!
1. When the Buccaneers score a touchdown with no time left in regulation to tie the game 9-9, and then have the
extra point blocked so they have to go into overtime only to lose a game they should have won in the first place to begin
with. What makes this worse is the fact that it happened to the Carolina Panthers.
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